Vision board

I've been working on a vision board over the last two weeks. It's not done yet, but I've cut out a lot of pictures and sayings from magazines, from Whole Living to Diabetes Forecast, to Oprah's O Magazine, to Gluten Free Living, and all my girlie fashion mags. You name it. At last count, I had in the double-digit numbers of subscriptions to magazines (I blame it on always wanting the free-with-purchase purse/bag/fitness guide that comes with said magazine). The idea stemmed from when I found out that my mom had just been diagnosed with both Celiac Disease and Type 2 Diabetes. Her diseases were discovered and diagnosed at the same time, just like mine were. And I live 600 miles away from her, so she's going through all of this alone.

I was sad for her, really sad, because I know the mental anguish associated with these diseases. And then a wave of gratefulness swept over me. I felt grateful that I wasn't in her shoes- as far as being "new" to these diagnoses. Although I've only had them for 1 1/2- almost 2 years, I feel like a seasoned veteran. Listening to her anguish and tears, it made me realize just how far I'd come with my illnesses. I still have my low moments and moments of uncertainty, fear, and even anger, but not like I did when I was "new." I also thanked God in a prayer, thanking him for giving me these diseases first, so I could help her.

I might not know why things happen, if there is a "reason" for things to happen they way they do. But I learned two weeks ago that you can find blessings in just about anything.

And so back to my vision board, I'm putting pictures of health and gratitude on it. I want to send it to my mom when it's done. Maybe it will help her a little.

Also, my diabetes anniversary is coming up in a week and a half (2/6/10). Has it already been two years? It falls on a Monday, and although I was thinking to take the day off work, I'm not sure what I'd do. So as of right now, I'm still planning on going to work. I'd like to create a little tradition, even if it's just for me, where every year on 2/6 I celebrate how far I've come. I wonder if anyone else does something special????

How do you know if you're obsession is unhealthy?

I'm beginning to think I have an unhealthy obession when it comes to knowledge regarding my autoimmune diseases. I subscribe to every diabetes publication there is, as well as all the magazines that focus on celiac disease or gluten free living. And it doesn't really stop there. I read every morsel of information I can find online, too, on university websites, health websites, even the Walgreens diabetes brochures. If I don't already own every diabetes and celiac book available, I've likely checked them out from the library. I used to read "fun" magazines, like Marie Claire and Nat Geo. But all of the "fun" reads have largely been set aside in a pile while I try to stay caught up on the health magazines. It's the same situation with my books.

I don't know where to draw the line between what is a healthy amount of information and obsession/overload. It's hard not to be obsessed about diseases I have to manage 24/7 for the rest of my life. Is it out of fear? Control issues? I'm not sure. One thing I do know is I've got to start muzzeling myself because I can't keep torturing everyone who talks with me by telling them the latest-and-greatest information I've just read about. People have been kind, but I'm sure I'm driving them nuts.

Maybe I believe that if I learn everything there is to know, I'll be less sad about having these diseases. And not feel like the 'different person.' I don't think I'll ever not feel like that, because I don't feel like anyone sees me as anything else BUT different from them.

In a team meeting at work today, my blood sugar unexpectedly dropped low. It was a manageable low, but low enough to set the alarm off on my CGM. I casually excused myself from the meeting room to walk back to my desk to grab a juice box, and as I walked past my team, I heard the whispers "her blood sugar is low, she's getting some juice," "ohhh." "Remember, she has diabetes? She's got to drink something." I am honored in one respect b/c they know enough about my disease to be able to share with someone else who is concerned. But I also felt..different. I'm not the girl with excellent skills and great work experience, or the goofy, fun one. I'm the girl on the team with Big D and Celiac Disease. That's what I'm first recognized for. Anything after that will have to come second. I really don't know how to get around that.

Anyway, I'll stop obsessing about any and all things diabetes and/or celiac disease related for the night. But if you have any thoughts or ideas, I'd love to hear them.

The A1c is 6.3. That rhymes.

It not only rhymes, it's a miracle. I was expecting a much worse A1c from my Mayo visit on 1/5/12. Not too shabby, I guess. I have to give credit to all of the horrendous LOWS I've had lately to help bring my A1c down (not healthy, I know). Oh well, glad that's over and done with. I had a great visit with Dr. Kudva, endo with the Mayo Clinic. He's such a fantastic doctor, all the way around. He talked with me again about the closed-loop research study that my blood work eliminated me from being able to take part in back in October. Looks like this round I'm a viable candidate. I talked with a research associate and the technician last Friday on the phone, and they are going to get me scheduled for the final pre-screening process. If approved, I'll be inpatient at St. Mary's Hospital (Mayo Hosp) for 4 days while they research the artificial pancreas closed loop stuff. (I'll have more details later). Even if this research doesn't end up helping me, I hope it will help future kids and adults who are diagnosed with this disease. I want to be a part of it all.

Enough about that. The weekend was good. Met up with a friend; we went to the Mall of America and had dinner at a nice gluten free restaurant and hung out at the new Peeps store. Yep, the Peeps as in the marshmallowy sugary bunnies and birds you get in your Easter basket every year? (They now have them for every holiday, right now coming out with their valentine's peeps... how cute is that????) They have so many cute things! I bought Peeps socks (with pink peeps on them), a Peeps hat, a Peeps mug, 2 sugarfree peppermint peeps and 1 non-sugarfree strawberry peeps dipped in chocolate. I couldn't resist. I LOVE peeps and apparently, I love Peep Gear: outerwear, hats, socks, books, etc. too!

Now that you probably think I'm nuts, I'll just say that hope everyone else had a nice, relaxing weekend. I hope to catch up on all of the blogs I read this week, and yep, am looking for new ones. If you have a blog, would you write a comment and tell me what your blog is, so I can stop on over?

Happiness is a choice

I got this off of the No Negative Thoughts Facebook page. Love it!

It's that time of year again!

Time to start my New Year's resolutions and diet plans. I tried to keep my New Year's resolutions simple this year, and actually, I started them in December. I would like to lose about 5 lbs. and I'd like to floss my teeth everyday.

Ever since my diagnosis of Grave's Disease in April 2010, which resulted in my thyroid getting nuked (radioactive iodine therapy), I have to work EXTRA hard to watch my weight. I seem to gain weight not from eating more or eating badly, but simply from eating normally but not exercising. It's really annoying.

As a diabetic, I'm very afraid of exercise. I get low quickly, even when reducing my insulin and eating extra carbs. I haven't been able to figure out how to work out. And I have a lot of questions, like if I want to work out on my lunch hour, do I eat lunch before working out, or after? How soon before/after exercise should I eat carbs? And how can I avoid eating more carbs (to prevent lows) than what I'm actually going to burn off exercising? I just can't figure it out. I really want to hire a personal trainer, just for a couple sessions, someone who has worked with diabetics and who understands the blood sugar issues. I'll put that on my personal "wish list." And I'm afraid of being alone after I exercise, because I experience lows, bad ones, throughout the day and night following exercise.

I go to see the endocrinologist at Mayo Clinic tomorrow morning for my 3-month checkup. I have more than one endo. The Mayo Clinic is great, because the endo that I see there works to treat all of my auto-immune diseases; I have a team down there of doctors that work together to manage my care. They get on the phone with each other during my appointments to try to put the pieces together and figure out why I got all of these auto-immune diseases within a 6-month period, and how to prevent me from getting another one, which could be deadly. The only issue is, the Mayo Clinic is at least an hour drive from my house, so it's not super convenient to use as my primary facility. So I have another endo that I see up here in Minneapolis. I will ask the doctor tmrw about exercising, but I suspect I'll get the same old answer: you just have to experiment a little to figure out what works for you. Sigh...

Today when I was leaving work, I got in my car and checked my blood sugar before driving. My bg was 94, so off I drove. A few miles into my drive, my vision started getting very slightly blurry. I blinked a couple times to see if it would clear itself up. I didn't feel weird, but decided it was enough for me to pull off the road to recheck. 47. My blood sugar dropped to 47! And I didn't feel it! Scary. Scary that I was driving, and scary that I didn't feel any of the classic signs. I haven't been feeling my lows lately, and that will be something I talk about with the Mayo doctor tomorrow.

I'll tell you what my A1c is after my visit tomorrow. I've had a lot of highs and lows, so I can't even wager a guess.