It's been a long time since I wrote. I've been feeling overwhelmed with things and sort of fell down the rabbit hole for a while.
I accepted a job offer last month. It's a good job with a mail order pharmacy company. But since I've been back to work, my blood sugar has been out of control, my energy levels are almost zero, and I feel tired and depressed. I work with a nice bunch of people, but none of them understand anything about Type 1 OR about Celiac disease. I actually tried to hide the fact that I had either; but there's only so long you can hide a disease before you've got some explaining to do. Now I feel like I am viewed as the 'sick person.' I don't feel like I fit in.
In an effort to not worsen things, I've made a point to not tell them details about either disease. For example, they don't know about low blood sugar or how to treat it. I have successfully acted my way through several low blood sugar episodes without anyone knowing I had one. I felt like I was going to pass out I was so low, but didn't want anyone to know because I don't want to make things worse. This is my first new job since getting these diagnoses. At my prior job, I worked with my coworkers long enough PRIOR to getting diagnosed that I wasn't afraid to talk to them about it. They cared about me and were genuinely curious about it. It's different at this new job. I don't know what to do. I don't want my new boss to think "Oh great, I hired a SICK person."
I feel so isolated and alone. I don't really have anyone to support me. Having bad bg numbers has only fueled the situation.
I don't know how to handle all of this stuff. My first instinct is to quit my new job and just stay in my house, where I feel safe. For now, I just tell myself to just get through things one day at a time...
I am also feeling like I would enjoy a new pace of life, living outside of Minnesota. Texas? San Diego? Las Vegas? Those would be my top 3 I think. Know of anyone hiring an Analyst for an Pharmacy Benefits Management Company or similarly-skilled area (health insurance company?)I'm a smart girl who learns quickly and has a heart of gold.
I just need to make some changes. I just don't know where to start.
Nikki, I'm sorry you're going through this and feeling that way about your new job. I haven't exactly been there, but have kind of had some other experiences that might relate. In my first "real job" during my last semester of college, I was not secretive about my D but at the time wasn't really "wearing it on my sleeve" or even testing multiple times a day. But they knew, generally. One day I had a Low while sitting at a computer writing and passed out; ended up on the floor with paramedics being summoned. A few days later, I had a Low while driving to lunch (luckily police officer saw my slight swerving and pulled me over in a parking lot) and that got back. While I wasn't really looked at as the SICK guy, that's how I felt and I basically didn't stay much longer. Years later, my former boss told me that he was always sorry I left because I was one of the best he had. So, it was pretty much all in my mind. Same goes for my current job that I've been at for 5+ years - former boss was totally cool and understanding, but it was my own mental guilt that made me plug on. I know it's not always the case with offices and co-workers and bosses, but I've been lucky enough to get those who treat me well and with understanding. I have no celiac experience, though. You know how to find me, if you need anything or want to chat by email. Please don't hesitate. Hugs and good vibes your way, Nikki.
ReplyDeletehang in there, you can do this!
ReplyDeleteit takes a lot of adjusting for any healthy person at a new job. And yeah we ARE different. I've switched jobs a lot over the past couple years and I will generally keep quiet about it unless someone asks. They know I have diabetes and celiac, it sort of ends there.
The best thing? give it a bit of time to SHOW the world that you can function just as well as a normal person can. Sure maybe 15 minutes of a sweaty shaky low may look bad but when you are back to normal 20 minutes later... that is enough to prove your worth.
in the end, it's your choice. you pick and choose what they know. You will find your comfort level with your co-workers and everyone will find a groove.
fret not fellow diabetic celiac!
Maybe we should have a meetup while you're still in MN? I know that hanging out with people dealing with similar stuff has helped me when feeling alone in it all.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, THANK YOU- Michael, Scully and Auntly H for the support. It helped me in more ways than you know.
ReplyDeleteAuntly H- I'd love to meet up. Are u in the twin cities? I live in the southeast metro, but I am willing to drive to meet you somewhere. Coffee? Dinner? Wine? Your call!!!!