Oh Normal Day!

Didn't someone once say something about a normal day being a treasure? "Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are." Isn't that so true for a diabetic? A day when everything is normal? Your blood sugars, your work day, your commute to work? Today was such a normal day that I think people wondered why I was so happy about it. Simply because there were no surprises, there was no bad news, work was steady but not crazy, and traffic was good. And for that, I am very grateful.

Since I went back to work last month, my diabetes has been very uncooperative. I took off work for 10 months in order to manage the 3 autoimmune diseases I was diagnosed with last year. It was much easier to manage the diseases when THEY were my full-time job. It's a different story now that I'm working. Last Friday, my endo said my diabetes was becoming more brittle. I feel like I'm losing the war, and the war only started 2 years ago (well, actually 1 year, 9 months ago). Diabetes is a disease where effort does not equal outcome, but I still put every effort into it.

But let's focus on today. Today was a good day. I'm sad to say goodbye to today, not knowing what tomorrow will be. But I'll do tomorrow what I did today, eat breakfast, go to work, drive home, read something uplifting, listen to my Dr. Weil Mind/Body Toolkit CD and maybe make a big pot of chili.

Thank you to everyone who contacted me about my 11/9/11 blog, you lifted up my spirits just when I needed it, in a way that no one else could. I'm so grateful to my online diabetic friends. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I hope everyone has a good tomorrow.

Crap faux pas

See this picture? Notice anything, oh, disgusting about it? This was me, at work today around 2:30pm, in a meeting with a room full of people I don't know.

Awesome to realize I've been walking around all day at work with dog sh* stuck to the front of my boot and just now saw it.

The only reason I saw it AT ALL is because the guy sitting next to me at the meeting kept looking down at it. So I looked down to see what he was looking at. Mortifying!!! I had an immediate reaction- I started laughing uncontrollably like a crazy person, my face red with tears coming down and no one around me knew what was so funny.

Dog crap in two big blobs stuck to the FRONT of my boots; one of the blobs even has dog hair stuck to it. See it?

I've been a little stuffy due to allergies and now wonder if it stunk, as well. Probably better I not know.

I have no idea how this happened, but something must have happened when I took my dog out this morning while it was still dark. I just wonder how I couldn't have seen it myself ALL DAY!!!!

stress. changes needed.

It's been a long time since I wrote. I've been feeling overwhelmed with things and sort of fell down the rabbit hole for a while.

I accepted a job offer last month. It's a good job with a mail order pharmacy company. But since I've been back to work, my blood sugar has been out of control, my energy levels are almost zero, and I feel tired and depressed. I work with a nice bunch of people, but none of them understand anything about Type 1 OR about Celiac disease. I actually tried to hide the fact that I had either; but there's only so long you can hide a disease before you've got some explaining to do. Now I feel like I am viewed as the 'sick person.' I don't feel like I fit in.

In an effort to not worsen things, I've made a point to not tell them details about either disease. For example, they don't know about low blood sugar or how to treat it. I have successfully acted my way through several low blood sugar episodes without anyone knowing I had one. I felt like I was going to pass out I was so low, but didn't want anyone to know because I don't want to make things worse. This is my first new job since getting these diagnoses. At my prior job, I worked with my coworkers long enough PRIOR to getting diagnosed that I wasn't afraid to talk to them about it. They cared about me and were genuinely curious about it. It's different at this new job. I don't know what to do. I don't want my new boss to think "Oh great, I hired a SICK person."

I feel so isolated and alone. I don't really have anyone to support me. Having bad bg numbers has only fueled the situation.

I don't know how to handle all of this stuff. My first instinct is to quit my new job and just stay in my house, where I feel safe. For now, I just tell myself to just get through things one day at a time...

I am also feeling like I would enjoy a new pace of life, living outside of Minnesota. Texas? San Diego? Las Vegas? Those would be my top 3 I think. Know of anyone hiring an Analyst for an Pharmacy Benefits Management Company or similarly-skilled area (health insurance company?)I'm a smart girl who learns quickly and has a heart of gold.

I just need to make some changes. I just don't know where to start.