Feeling really alone tonight. You know you just have those days where you don't feel as confident about things. Sometimes life feels really...long. How am I going to manage a chronic disease, every day, forever?
I just treated a low blood sugar that my CGM didn't catch. I was lucky enough to feel the low. I looked at my CGM, which was reporting a healthy 89 bg. But that little voice inside me wondered why my fingers were shaking so I tested. It made me realize that we are never really safe with diabetes. There are meters and pumps and CGMs, but none of them are 100% reliable. There's so much at stake when they are wrong and it overwhelmed me tonight with fear and anxiety and ultimately, tears. It made me feel so alone and overwhelmed by the responsibility I have to keep myself alive everyday.
Today's score: Diabetes 1, Nikki 0.
But tomorrow's a new day. I'll get all the fear/anger/self-pity/self-loathing out tonight and start fresh tomorrow.
Yes, I know those days! Every now and then I will get anxious as I think about daily management and how I will have this pump attached to me forever. Gotta take it day by day! Or even hour by hour sometimes. :) Things will look better in the morning!
ReplyDeleteVery familiar with that feeling. And in the moment, I know it's easy to forget, but remember that you are not alone. There are a whole bunch of us out here who totally get it. You can do this!
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel! It is all you, CGM or not. SO GLAD you trusted your instincts, and tested! : ) It's ok to get it out, and tomorrow it may come again...and that's okay too. : ) Don't stress, we get to start over fresh every day.
ReplyDeleteGlad I found you! : ) ANd you can DO THIS! : ) Hugs, Holly