Baby steps.

I've been in the dumps a lot lately, just a combo of anxiety from managing multiple auto-immune diseases while still recovering from the spinal cord injury (still going to physical therapy weekly but I get frustrated because I don't think I'm progressing fast enough; frustrated at my limitations), added on to the death of a friend two weeks ago, plus lack of sleep, and lately, major food anxiety. I just haven't felt like myself lately. I got to the point where I was numb and aloof; didn't care about anything and stopped caring for my diabetes the way that I should. I made the decision to begin working with a cognitive behavioral therapist. She is helping to change the way I think; to bring the positive thoughts back. I have "homework" that I do between our visits. She has upped my appointments to twice per week, so I see her after work. Maybe you've heard of "tapping" aka EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), meditation, and using positive affirmations daily. These are the things I am learning.

Also the nightmares are back again. Back to back, all night long, wake up sweaty, nightmares. I'll pop a sleeping pill so I can sleep soundly and deeply enough to keep the nightmares at bay. But I need a more lasting solution to my stress and anxiety. I believe the CBT Therapy will provide me with what I need to get back on track.

Chronic diseases cause anxiety. Celiac disease does so by causing difficulty in trying to have normal social interactions/outings with people (because everything usually evolves around food/dining). You feel like the odd man out; the problem child, because you can't just eat anywhere. There's a new restaurant that everyone wants to try... except you can go there because they don't have anything safe for you to eat, so the plans are changed to accommodate you, and you feel AWFUL. Or you eat at the same 3 restaurants that you know have safe food options, but your friends are sick and tired of eating there (can't blame them).

Diabetes causes anxiety because it's a difficult disease to manage, sometimes impossible to manage. It's a disease where effort rarely equals outcome. A game you never win. A game that changes it's rules from day to day, or even hour to hour. It's EXHAUSTING. And the burden to stay ALIVE is on YOU, every day, every hour. There's just no break from it.

I could go on, but you get the idea. I know I can handle this. I just got overwhelmed but I'll get back on the saddle. I'd rather tackle these challenges with a smile on my face than with a scowl. You can't change your situation; you can only change how you react to it. Right? I choose happiness. I'm working on it. I'll get there.