Love. It's a topic that I don't have much experience with. I didn't date when I was a teenager. I didn't go to prom. I didn't have a boyfriend until college. I've had my heart broken, and I've broken hearts. I've never been married. So I certainly don't have much advice to give on this topic.
What I can tell you is that this is a hard topic for me to write about, because it forces me to face my insecurities. Like the fact that I think I might be too flawed for anyone to love for the next 65 years. And wonder if a man could love a woman in her 30s who has 3 auto-immune diseases; two of which are guaranteed to impact his life daily. Would a man commit to never-again-in-his-life have a gluten-laden pizza at home? Or bread? Or anything breaded? Could he be happy knowing he could never grab fast food with his lady? Or drink a regular ol' beer with her? Or have a normal holiday meal? And the whammy to the gluten-free-for-the-rest-of-your-life lifestyle, is the life-altering, hourly-managed disease like type 1. Could I be someone that someone else could be proud of?
I am afraid that these traits (not sure if that's the best word) would scare someone away in the long run. Maybe in the short run it would be okay, but for life? Well, that's a long time. Sometimes I think that maybe if I only had one disease, maybe I'd be a more attractive package. Anyone that is going to love me - or anyone else with a chronic illness- for life, is going to have extra responsibilities on their plate. But for my situation, your going to need two plates.
And on top of that, I still have normal-person flaws. Like that I watch way too many crime tv shows, bite my nails, hate the History Channel, and have a dog that I talk to daily like she's human.
What I do know about love, is that I love loving someone else, I love being loved, and I love the idea of loving one person for life. I just wish I could have gotten married before getting sick, because I wonder now if I'm loveable.
And then on the other side of the coin, I know I'm a good catch. I'm loyal, passionate, kind-hearted, reliable, smart, happy, and a great cook. But will anyone be able to see those qualities before they see my flaws?
I do not normally sit around and stress about this situation. I'm really only stressed about it when I am writing a blog about it and throwing it out to the universe to read.
But I'm curious about whether others have input. Were you already married when you got diagnosed with your illness? If you were young when you were diagnosed, was it ever an issue when you were dating? Do you feel it limited you at all in the dating pool? Were you self conscious about it?
Thanks for sharing this, Nikki. I get where you're coming from - I had some of those same fears myself when younger, from a guy's perspective of course. It was more of a mental thing than a real-life influence, though. Didn't really scare anyone off when dating, and it certainly didn't matter to the woman who I met in college and eventually married. Wasn't a big deal to her, she learned and loved me for who I was. That was something I never expected, but am so very thankful for. You'll find that guy who's right, when the time is right. Best your way.
ReplyDeleteNikki, with your honesty and genuine personality, you and the guy who loves you will be willing to look all of life in the eye and share it. Lucky guy. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteMother to wonderful single celiac mom and grandmother to 9 yr old T1 and celiac wonderful girl.
Very honest post! I can relate to some of what you are feeling. I was diagnosed with T1 3 months ago. I am 29 and have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years; living together for a year now. So, I can't really relate to dealing with the dating scene but I can relate to having to come home and try and explain this ridiculously confusing disease to someone. I am very lucky to have someone that is supportive and loyal. I think it can be tough for him though because T1 is something that you never truly understand unless you have it. I can help him to understand it the best I can but he'll never (thankfully) have to live life the way I do and will never understand the anxiety that can come with fluctuations in blood sugar, etc. Because my diagnosis is so new, we still have days that are difficult and I have moments where I feel alone even though I know he is behind me %100. He has gracefully excepted the responsibility that can come with living with someone with T1. What I'm trying to say is that it will obviously be an adjustment for someone but there is always a way to make things work. These diseases are a part of who we are but there is so much more to us than just that. You are a strong and beautiful woman and don't every forget it!
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