A Lesson Learned in an Unexpected Way.

Yesterday a little bird smashed against my front door window. It was loud and sounded like a rock. I looked out the door and saw this little bird suffering, rolling around frantically on my sidewalk, flailing around. Feeling awful, I stopped watching; fearing I was watching its slow death.

Still worrying about the bird, I returned to the window 30 minutes later, to see it sitting up in my flower pot, a foot from where it had been lying and flailing. It sat like a statue. I went outside and knelt next to it, thinking the worst. Is it dead? Did it lose his sight? Is something broken- his neck? Is he stunned or dead? Because even when he saw me, he didn’t move an inch. So I took one finger and lightly once pet him and said nice things to him. Then I left him alone so as not to frighten him further.

I went back inside, drawing up a game plan: What does he eat? Maybe I should bring him food in case he is unable to move or is paralyzed. I began googling what birds like him eat. One website mentioned sunflower seeds, worms and mosquitoes. I had none of those things. So I thought about driving to the store to buy bird food. I also thought about the cold evening coming, and wondered if he’d survive the night. Should I bring him in? Maybe put him in the garage, protected from the cold winds? What to do, what to do. I felt this enormous responsibility to protect him.

I couldn’t stand to see him suffer. Then I stopped what I was doing and began praying. “Please God, please save this little bird. I know he is important to you because you created him. He matters to you. Please don’t let him suffer, whatever his fate is. Please let him be okay.” And sadness covered my heart as I thought about the pain he was feeling.

About 10 minutes later I looked out the window and didn’t see the little bird. I walked outside and knelt close to where he had been. I saw the twig on the ground he had earlier been standing on like a statue. I looked around the perimeter. No sign of bird.

At that moment I walked in the house with my heart filled with awe and love and thankfulness. Something struck me. In that moment, I realized that “I” was that little bird. The prayer I said was about me; it was reflective of my own worries and insecurities. All the fear I have held deep in my heart of having no one that will protect me. The fear that I will go through this life -and all its challenges- alone. Then God showed me that he cared enough about that little bird to save him. It made me think, if God could love a little finch that much, imagine how much he loves me. Me, I matter. He won’t let me suffer alone, whatever my fate is. I will be okay. God has rescued me in many situations, and he continues to protect me every day. I just need to have faith and hand my worries over to God.

It was just the reassurance I needed.

Gluten Free Barbecue Pizza

The other day I craved something carby for dinner. I eat low carb most of the time and every so often I just get that hankering for a little blood sugar rise :)

I found a recipe in All You magazine for bbq pizza. I made a few changes to make it gluten free. You can make more changes if you want it to be dairy-free, too.

This recipe is VERY easy and took less than 10 minutes.

1 frozen Udi's gluten free pizza crust

1 Tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil

3/4 cup mozzarella or Daiya dairy free cheese(shredded)

1 cup chopped/diced chicken breast (rotisserie chicken would work, too. Use whatever you have on hand).

5 Tbsp. bbq sauce

a little chopped onion

On the crust: Brush olive oil over the surface of the crust. Sprinkle 1/2 the cheese on crust, leaving a 1/2 inch border. Toss chicken with 1 tbsp. bbq sauce. Spoon remaining bbq sauce in a spiral over the cheese on the crust. Scatter chicken, remaining cheese and onions on the pizza.

Bake pizza according to crust directions, which for Udi's crust is only 7 minutes (I use the toaster oven, too, to save energy). Let pizza rest for a minute or two before cutting.

ENJOY!!!!

It's Not Cheap Being Me.

It's a good thing I'm good at budgeting. I'm expensive, and not by choice. Diabetes is certainly a very expensive disease, as you maybe saw from an earlier post, where I calculated that diabetes costs me $40 per day.

Then there's the gluten free diet, which is more expensive in that you can't just pick up whatever brand of food (or generic version) that is on sale; you have to buy whatever brand is gluten free; on sale or not. I don't buy much in the way of processed gluten free foods like bread (which runs $5-$8 a loaf), or pasta ($3-$5 a bag), or pretzels ($8-$9 a bag). I did stop at the gluten free bakery in town recently and saw that a 6 pk of blueberry muffins was $18.75 (I passed).

And now there's the newest addition to the family, the chemical allergies I was recently diagnosed me with, eliminating the option of using lower-cost bath/cleaning/kitchen/hair/makeup products. I finally found the one and only shower gel/cleanser that I can use. I got it at the pharmacy (no prescription needed):



Yep, that's an $18.25 price tag on that puppy. You can bet I won't be wasting that stuff. My special shampoo and conditioner are about $10 each in smaller bottles. And I am now using Seventh Generation cleaning products and dishwashing liquid, which runs about $4 each.

Nope, it's not easy on the budget living with illness. But I'm still grateful to do it. And really, most days it doesn't bother me too much to live a little differently. It just is who I am now; it's part of me. I sometimes feel a little self-conscious; being "different" in so many areas of my life. But true friends will still like me and my family is stuck with me :)

Next Sunday I finish my Financial Peace University class. I've learned SO much and gained so many new ideas for budgeting and saving and living debt-free. I now use the envelope (cash) system for all purchases except for when I pay bills online. You "feel" the money going out the door when you see it coming out of your wallet versus swiping your bank debit card. And having an actual budgeted amount for each expense category has helped so much.

I have an upcoming fun event. I volunteer at the annual Animal Humane Society's Walk for Animals every year. Every year, I'm on Poop Bag Patrol (what a hilarious name for a position!!) I hand out poop bags to all the walkers and get to meet LOTS of different animals. SO much fun. I'm a huge animal lover, if you haven't learned that about me yet. LERRRRVE fuzzy faces. (click on the pics to make them bigger)



And finally, I found a funny greeting card that I bought.. for myself! No, it's not my birthday, but I loved what the card says. It is a good reminder to me to take it easy; don't be so serious all the time and that it's ok to let loose a little.



It even came with a funny fridge magnet with a made-up food pyramid. Oh, I had a good laugh.

I get knocked down, but I get up again (sing with me)

Just when you think you can’t handle anything more on your plate, you do. Just when you think you will never be able to live with chronic illness, or chronic ailments, you do. When you think you’ll never enjoy food the same way as ‘before,’ you do. When you think you’ll never find friends who understand, you do. When you think you can’t be happy again, you are. When you think God doesn’t understand, He does. When you think He has abandoned you, He hasn’t. When you don’t think He is there for you, He is.

If you are reading this blog, it’s likely because you (or your loved one) have diabetes or celiac disease, and you have lived through a lot. You have been to hell and back with your disease. And yet here you are, standing tall, facing another day.

Repeat after me.

I AM RESILIENT.

I AM STRONG.

I AM WONDERFUL.

I AM SUPPORTED.

I AM NOT ALONE.

I CAN FACE ANOTHER DAY.

I CAN FACE TOMORROW.

NO MATTER WHAT IT BRINGS.

I’M IN THIS FOR THE LONG HAUL.

AND I’M OKAY WITH THAT.

LIFE, YOU CAN TRY TO TAKE EVERYTHING AWAY FROM ME, BUT YOU CANNOT TAKE MY SOUL.

I AM STRONGER THAN YOU.

I AM STRONGER THAN THIS DISEASE.

I AM MORE THAN THIS DISEASE; THESE AILMENTS.

YOU CAN KNOCK ME DOWN,

BUT I’LL JUST GET RIGHT. BACK. UP.

On the inside, I'm junk.

Do you ever feel exhausted trying to take the best care of yourself? Do you find yourself envying others who don’t have any health conditions to manage every day? I do.

Just over three years ago, I was “healthy.” No medical diagnoses, no foods eliminated from my diet, no spinal cord injury. I got to wake up every morning and just LIVE. It was fabulous! There was no worry at nighttime about dying from hypoglycemia, no limitations on physical activity, no allergies to everything on the planet, no sleeping pills needed to ward off nightmares. I was just a happy, healthy person. Life was easy. I remember when I could just worry about normal-people things, like how to manage my time better, which shoes I should buy, which new restaurant to try.

From the outside I look like a normal, healthy person. There isn’t anything that stands out that would indicate I am anything other than “healthy.” But while I look normal on the outside, on the inside I’m junk. That’s the joke I tell people now. Things just don’t work properly. I’m like the car on the car lot that’s all shiny and buffed up, but then doesn’t start when you turn the key or has smoke billowing out from under the hood as you drive down the road.

The latest in the health saga came a few weeks ago in the form of allergic skin reactions. I had a “patch test” done at my dermatologists’ office. I had been having multiple skin problems, ranging from eczema on my chest and legs, to rashes on my face and neck that I couldn’t get rid of for long periods of time. The results came in at the end of that week, after wearing patches of suspected allergens taped to my back for 3 days, indicating lots of new allergies to some very common things; things that are very difficult to avoid, including an ingredient found in MOST shampoos, conditioners, bar soaps, hand soaps, body washes, dishwashing liquid, laundry soaps, household cleaners, and make up. I am also allergic to rubber- including rubber bands, my eye lash curler, rubber mats, rubber gloves (including latex), the rubber soles on tennis shoes, even certain power cords that are made from rubber, etc. I am allergic to artificial nails and most nail polishes. Also adhesives- including bandaids, but where this affects me the most is the fact I wear an insulin pump and a Continuous Glucose Monitor (CGM), both of which are attached with adhesive. I am also allergic to bacitracin, which is in all over the counter first-aid creams, like Neosporin.

My dermatologist did some research for me, and emailed me a 111-pg. document that talks about the allergies and lists what products I am able to use, broken up into categories like makeup, soaps, detergents, etc. The part that stood out the most to me is the last paragraph on the first page, which says:

“You were not sensitive to these substances for most of your life. Allergy develops from repeated exposure.
You were exposed enough times to these substances that you became sensitive to them.
You must remember that just because you weren’t sensitive to something in the past doesn’t mean that
you are not sensitive to it now. Your body has changed and is sensitive now to things that didn’t cause you
trouble before. You will be allergic to them for the rest of your life. You will always need to avoid them.”

I wonder, why is my body still continuing to break down? Allergies are auto-immune reactions when the body decides to attack healthy tissues when it is exposed to certain ingredients/chemicals/products. Why is my immune system so crazy? What can I do to make it not be so crazy? How can I prevent future immune system issues, like additional auto-immune diseases, or new allergies? The short answer I’ve been given over and over is that there is no prevention; there’s nothing I can do differently. And that scares me.
I copied the first page of the document to show you the substances I am allergic to. So basically, in addition to having to read every FOOD label for my celiac disease and diabetes, I now get the pleasure of getting to read every label on NON-FOOD items, to ensure they don’t have any of THESE ingredients (FUN!):

ALLERGIC CONTACT DERMATITIS
"Testing has shown that you have allergic contact dermatitis. This means that you are particularly sensitive
to even extremely small amounts of these substances:
Acrylates/Hydroxyethyl Acrylate/Lauryl Acrylate Copolymer
Acrylates/Hydroxyethyl Acrylate/Methoxyethyl Acrylate Copolymer
Acrylates/Methoxy PEG-23 Methacrylate/Perfluorooctyl Ethyl Acrylate Copolymer
Acrylonitrile/Methacrylonitrile/Methyl Methacrylate Copolymer
Ammonium Acryloyl Dimethyltaurate/Carboxyethyl Acrylate Crosspolymer
Bis-Hydroxyethyl Acrylate Poly(Neopentyl Glycol Adipate)/IPDI Copolymer
Butyl Acrylate/C6-14 Perfluoroalkylethyl Acrylate/Mercaptopropyl Dimethicone Copolymer
Butyldimethicone Methacrylate/Methyl Methacrylate Crosspolymer
C6-14 Perfluoroalkylethyl Acrylate/HEMA Copolymer
Carboxyethyl Acrylate
Cocamidopropyl Betaine
Dimethyl Acrylamide/Hydroxyethyl Acrylate/Methoxyethyl Acrylate Copolymer
Ethyl Acrylate
Ethylhexyl Acrylate/Methyl Methacrylate Copolymer
Hydroxyethyl Acrylate/IPDI/PPG-15 Glyceryl Ether Copolymer
Hydroxyethyl Acrylate/Methoxyethyl Acrylate Copolymer
Hydroxyethyl Acrylate/Sodium Acryloyldimethyl Taurate Copolymer
Hydroxyethyl/Methoxyethyl Acrylate Copolymer
Hydroxyethyl/Methoxyethyl Acrylate/Butyl Acrylate Copolymer
Methyl Acrylate/Methylene Drometrizole Methacrylate Copolymer
Methyl Methacrylate
Methyl Methacrylate Crosspolymer
Methyl Methacrylate/Acrylonitrile Copolymer
Methyl Methacrylate/Ethylhexyl Acrylate/Butyl Dimethicone Propyl Methacrylate Copolymer
Methyl Methacrylate/Glycol Dimethacrylate Crosspolymer
Methyl Methacrylate/Trimethoxysilylpropyl Methacrylate Crosspolymer
Polymethyl Methacrylate
Sucrose Benzoate/Sucrose Acetate Isobutyrate/Butyl Benzyl Phthalate/Methyl Methacrylate
Copolymer
Dibucaine
Hydroxyethyl Acrylate/Sodium Acryloyldimethyl Taurate Copolyme
methyl methacrylate / glycol dimethacrylate crosspolymer
methyl methacrylate / glycol dimethacryla
Hydroxyethyl Acrylate/Sodium
Acrylonitrile/ Methacrylonitrile/Methyl Methacrylate Copolymer
Acrylonitrile/Methacrylonitrile/ Methyl Methacrylate Copolymer
Acrylonitrile/Methacrylonitrile /Methyl Methacrylate Copolymer
Carba Mix
dibucaine (cinchocaine-HCl)
Soybean (Glycine soja) seed extract Hydroxyethyl acrylate/sodium acryloyldimethyl taurate
copolymer
2-hydroxyethyl acrylate
Cocamidopropyl Betaine Or Sodium C14-C16 Olefinsulfonate
Hydroxyethyl Acrylate sodium acryloyldimethyl taurate copolymer
Octylacrylamide/Acrylates/Butylaminomethyl Methacrylate Copolymer
Methyl Methacrylate/2-Ethylhexyl Acrylate Copolymer

You are so sensitive to these substances that if your skin comes in contact just one time with any of
them, you may develop a rash. Itching, pinkness, small bumps, or blisters may appear within 4 hours,
but usually starts 1 to 3 days after exposure to the substance.
The skin reaction lasts from 2 to 8 weeks, even if you don’t come into contact with the substance again.
If you have had many exposures over time, it may take 3 to 6 months for your skin to get completely
better after you start avoiding the substances. During those months, your skin will slowly get better, but
you will probably have multiple brief flare ups of your rash, even as it is overall improving. If you come in
contact with one of the substances again during that time, that can cause a significant set-back in your
recovery.
You were not sensitive to these substances for most of your life. Allergy develops from repeated exposure.
You were exposed enough times to these substances that you became sensitive to them.
You must remember that just because you weren’t sensitive to something in the past doesn’t mean that
you are not sensitive to it now. Your body has changed and is sensitive now to things that didn’t cause you
trouble before. You will be allergic to them for the rest of your life. You will always need to avoid them.
It is very important to learn how you can avoid the substances that cause your allergic reaction."

I am frustrated. I am scared. I am mad. I love life and I want to enjoy it. I will find a way to live with yet another obstacle. I know I am resilient and flexible. I know God will not give me more than he thinks I can handle. I know all these things. But I miss the days when life was easy and uncomplicated. I want to enjoy the same simple pleasures that others get to enjoy. And little by little, things are getting chipped away. I wonder, how much can a body handle before it just breaks down for good?

Jussst escaped getting glutened on Easter; Food loves, and my new D-Bag.

Happy day to you. Did you have a good Wednesday? I've been offline for a while; life has been so busy. Almost every day after work I run home to let the dog out, don't even take off my shoes, and run right back out the door to appointments. Does life seem to get busier as you get older?

Easter was good, it's always a challenge to spend it with people other than your family (mine are out of state), and ESPECIALLY when you have celiac disease and diabetes. I am in the habit of bringing my own food to these types of events; I don't want to risk getting glutened by well-intentioned friends. I just about got glutened in two different instances, minutes apart. I want to give you a glance into the world of being celiac, so I'm going to share with you what happened. The first time was with a freshly put out veggie and olive tray. Both of these items are naturally gluten free. And as I was about to grab some vegetables, I watched as someone grabbed a handful of crackers, drop the crackers on his plate, then with the same hand, reach right into the vegetables, foregoing the tongs provided, and as such, glutening the vegetable tray. Had I not seen that and grabbed some vegetables, I would have been in big trouble. Moments later, a well-intentioned person handed me a basket filled with crackers, happily advising me of the new gluten free Triscuits she found. She told me they were now made from brown rice. Me, being my skeptical self (for good reasons, I might add. I alone am responsible for keeping myself healthy) asked if I could please see the original container/box they came in, so I could verify for myself their gluten-free status. And it's a good thing I did. She went to the pantry and handed me the box, which in big bold letters exclaims on the front "NOW MADE WITH BROWN RICE!" Now, turn the box to the side where the ingredients are listed, and it says at the very end in bold, capital letters: CONTAINS WHEAT. Whoa. I wonder how many fell for that. The packaging is very deceptive to those not paying attention. Luckily for me, I am Type AAA about checking these things. Alas, I stuck to my own food that I brought.

I made homemade Gluten Free Apple Celery Stuffing (see pics below of it in the making- the BEST stuffing I've ever had in my life), and Gluten Free Fettucini in a mushroom cream sauce in the crock pot.

This is me frying up the onions, celery and honeycrisp apple (all organic) in Earth Balance butter, and on the right, is when I added the seasoned gluten free bread pieces to the mix along with an egg and organic gluten free chicken boullion (called Not Chk'n). I wish there was an "after" photo but as soon as it came out of the oven, I shoved it in the car and took it over to Easter brunch. And there was none left to take a picture of :(


Here is the gluten free fettuccini I made (made with organic Health Valley gluten free mushroom soup, organic almond milk, Tinkyada pasta, organic whole fat sour cream and grass fed chicken breasts.



Another food that I've made recently and loved:



If you see this over at your local co-op or store, definitely do yourself a huge favor and grab one. These are FANTASTIC gluten free muffins!!!

I plan to do a separate blog to talk about the paleo menu I made last week and share the recipes with you. They were yummy. Here's a sneak peek of one of the dishes (mini meatloaves):



These were quite good and loaded with healthy veggies and ground turkey in place of ground hamburger. I made them "mini" because they are more easily transportable to take for lunch, less messy, too.

Final food pic for the night... here is a picture of a very typical breakfast for me. Two hard boiled eggs, 1/2 grapefruit, water. It's my easy work day breakfast when I don't have time to make something else.



Enough about food. I also wanted to show you my cute new diabetes bag. Isn't it adorbs??????



Cute, right? I got it at Target in the wallet section for $12.99. It holds everything so nicely. Ohh the little things that make us happy :)

Diabetic & Celiac Friendly Menu Plan

Well, it's Sunday and I am just about to start my chopping/prepping for my weekly menu plan. The recipes were taken from the cookbook "Everyday Paleo Family Cookbook" by Sarah Fragoso. As you know, I try to eat Paleo about 6 days a week, with one day where I allow myself to eat some less-than-healthy carbs. That day is Saturday. Last night I had a gluten free pizza with pepperoni and pineapple. I paid for it, too: high blood sugars overnight and a high reading when I woke up. Thus why I don’t eat a lot of unhealthy carbs! I’m always sorry later!

I base my weekly menu plan on what I already have on hand. Right now I have a surplus of ground turkey, so a few of the recipes this week are going to use it up.

Monday: Mini Meatloaves (made in a muffin pan) with homemade Sweet Potato Chips

Tuesday: Curry Burgers (ground turkey burgers with a curry sauce drizzled on top) with Carrot French Fries

Wednesday: “Meatless Wednesday” Homemade egg salad served on top of quartered red peppers and served with a side of veggie slices and hummus.

Thursday: Slow cooker day! Slow Chicken Curry (one of my FAVORITES)! served with a side of a frozen veggie (TBD)
Friday: Leftover buffet!

Saturday: Cheat day- TBD

The key is to make the next day’s dish the night before, so for example, I’m making Monday’s meal tonight so it will be ready when I come home from work. I do most of the prep work/chopping for the week today, so I won’t have to do it when I get home after work. Also pick, easy (realistic) recipes that won't take a lot of time OR money to make. The recipes that I like, I keep them in future weekly rotations.

Tonight I have my Financial Peace University class. I’m on week 5 of 9. I’m learning so much about managing my finances and on the right path to be debt-free and learning how to budget for expected and unexpected medical expenses. If you are interested in learning more about these classes and where they are being held in your area, go to www.DaveRamsey.com .

Every little ailment MUST be related to your disease, right?

Shit my head hurts. I've had this persistent migraine since saturday night/sunday morning-ish, it woke me up around 3:30am. I woke up right after a nightmare, in which a person (I don't remember if it was male or female) was about to pass me walking on the side walk, and in an instant I knew that s/he was going to pull out a long knife out from under his/her open beige trench coat and stab me as s/he walked by. I woke myself up screaming "NOOOOOO!!!!!" Then I checked my blood sugar, and it was 211. Awesome. I needed to pee, but my head hurt so bad that I couldn't get up to go to the bathroom. So I laid there for at least an hour awake, trying not to move my head, with a full bladder. I couldn't hold it anymore and got out of bed, headed toward the bathroom. But my migraine was so powerful that I actually swayed and ran into my dresser (F#@#@&^#(@&#*@^#^!!!!).

For the rest of the day, I laid on the couch, until 4:30pm Sunday night. Too nauseas from the migraine to eat; too painful to get up and do anything. I closed all the blinds in my house and wore my eye covers (see below), listening to the tv on volume level 2. And it seemed LOUD.



Then it went away. Whew!

So this morning I got up and got ready for work. I had an appt with the dermatologist first, to get my skin patch (allergy) test, since my skin has taken turns between hives and eczema spots every where. Despite the BLIZZARD (yes, blizzard) weather we had on my drive to the clinic, I made it there in one piece. Forty-five minutes into the appointment, I looked like this:




I can't shower until Thursday (sorry, co-workers), cause those little patches can't get wet. So afterwards I drove to work. And then my migraine came back. It progressively got worse throughout the afternoon, so I skipped lunch and contemplated whether I'd look weird wearing my sunglasses at my desk. The light above my head suddenly seemed really BRIGHT.

I called my endo and asked him to call in a migraine Rx for me, which he graciously did. So I took it and now I'm just waiting for it to kick in. I hope it will soon, cuz even looking at this computer screen right now is killing me, and I have it muted to the darkest setting.

The awesome thing about having chronic diseases is that you think it causes everything that's wrong with you. I can't help but think that the cause of my migraine is from being glutened, even though I ate at home yesterday and made all my food from scratch. But I start wondering "was the seasoning I bought truly gluten free?" "Maybe it was the sour cream? The new salsa I bought?" Or maybe I got a migraine for an un-related reason. All I know is I mentally equate migraines with ingesting gluten because I get migraines whenever I get glutened. And that's the suckiest part, I'll never truly know what caused this migraine.

Chronic disease makes you a little paranoid. When I don't feel right, I immediately equate it to type 1 diabetes, grave's disease or celiac disease. Even though before I was diagnosed I got colds and stomach bugs like every one else, nowadays I ALWAYS think that it's related to one of my illnesses. If I have a headache, is it from blood sugar? A stomach ache- it MUST be from celiac disease... it certainly couldn't be because I ate too much. Nope. I need to get out of this mode of thinking; it makes me paranoid. Sometimes you can just be sick and it NOT be related to any of your diseases. But I'm not a doctor, so how do I really know?

Do you do this, too? When you get sick, do you automatically assume it's your diabetes or celiac disease (whichever one you have)?

Well, back to the couch, eye covers and the almost-on-mute tv volume. Cheery-O.

Happpy Friday!

This week has turned out to be a good week. Nothing in particular happened, and sometimes that is exactly WHY it's a good week. I really think the description words "uneventful" and "boring" are really blessings. To me, there's nothing better than having a weekend of nothing-ness. Life gets busier and busier as you get older, doesn't it? There always seems to be something that needs to be done.

The past few weeks have been a little tougher for me than usual, but I would say that this is normal for anyone who is managing one (or more) chronic illnesses. It's NORMAL to have periods of time where you are stressed out, down, and wonder how you are going to manage your disease every day, for the rest of your life. It can feel overwhelming sometimes. Most days I'm fine, but every so often I feel overwhelmed. And lucky for me, when this happens, I have a wonderful DOC and celiac disease community to lean on and lift my spirits. Somehow the words that come from another diabetic or another celiac are often times more lifting than when they come from a person without the disease.

This weekend is going to be a low activity weekend. I had plans, but they fell through and I'm not disappointed by it. The weather is going to be awful again here in Minnesota, so I'll be happy being inside the house with my sweet-faced dog. Tonight I need to finish my menu planning for the next week, following by grocery shopping, and Sunday I'll complete all of the prep work. I am a huge FAN of menu planning. Let me tell you what happens when I don't menu plan (which I haven't done for the last 2 weeks): I eat BAD. I WASTE money. I eat processed, quick foods that are nutritionally void of anything good and are NOT cost-effective. As an example, one day this week I bought and ate an Amy's frozen meal, which was on sale for $3.09. This is no deal! It's expensive and I was still hungry afterwards. I could have stretched that money a lot further if I had used it at my discount grocery stores (Aldi, Walmart).

I've always been frugal with my money, but even more now that I am half way through the Financial Peace University class. I am learning many different ways to strettttch my dollars every month. Chronic disease is expensive, and I don't make a lot of money, so I am very stingy when it comes to making purchases, especially when it comes to food. Do you struggle with finding easy, healthy, inexpensive recipes you can make during the week? I am going to start posting at least one new recipe a week that I've made during that week. It will be easy, healthy and inexpensive to make. You can always alter them to fit your taste buds. I cook a lot with my crock pot; it's a life saver when you are short on time. I love taking a big chunk of meat (like rump roasts or chuck roasts that go on sale), rubbing it with seasoning (I like Lawry's Seasoning Salt and garlic powder), tossing it in the crock pot on low at night with a little bit of water and in the morning PRESTO! I have a few lunch and dinners. A quick add on is warming up some frozen veggies with some seasoning as a side dish, or make a salad if you have time. Voila, done.

Well, I'm at work and my lunch time is over. So that means this post is over, too. Hope you have a nice weekend! If I have time this weekend I'll share with you my upcoming menu plan and maybe some yummy food pics. :)

Baby steps.

I've been in the dumps a lot lately, just a combo of anxiety from managing multiple auto-immune diseases while still recovering from the spinal cord injury (still going to physical therapy weekly but I get frustrated because I don't think I'm progressing fast enough; frustrated at my limitations), added on to the death of a friend two weeks ago, plus lack of sleep, and lately, major food anxiety. I just haven't felt like myself lately. I got to the point where I was numb and aloof; didn't care about anything and stopped caring for my diabetes the way that I should. I made the decision to begin working with a cognitive behavioral therapist. She is helping to change the way I think; to bring the positive thoughts back. I have "homework" that I do between our visits. She has upped my appointments to twice per week, so I see her after work. Maybe you've heard of "tapping" aka EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), meditation, and using positive affirmations daily. These are the things I am learning.

Also the nightmares are back again. Back to back, all night long, wake up sweaty, nightmares. I'll pop a sleeping pill so I can sleep soundly and deeply enough to keep the nightmares at bay. But I need a more lasting solution to my stress and anxiety. I believe the CBT Therapy will provide me with what I need to get back on track.

Chronic diseases cause anxiety. Celiac disease does so by causing difficulty in trying to have normal social interactions/outings with people (because everything usually evolves around food/dining). You feel like the odd man out; the problem child, because you can't just eat anywhere. There's a new restaurant that everyone wants to try... except you can go there because they don't have anything safe for you to eat, so the plans are changed to accommodate you, and you feel AWFUL. Or you eat at the same 3 restaurants that you know have safe food options, but your friends are sick and tired of eating there (can't blame them).

Diabetes causes anxiety because it's a difficult disease to manage, sometimes impossible to manage. It's a disease where effort rarely equals outcome. A game you never win. A game that changes it's rules from day to day, or even hour to hour. It's EXHAUSTING. And the burden to stay ALIVE is on YOU, every day, every hour. There's just no break from it.

I could go on, but you get the idea. I know I can handle this. I just got overwhelmed but I'll get back on the saddle. I'd rather tackle these challenges with a smile on my face than with a scowl. You can't change your situation; you can only change how you react to it. Right? I choose happiness. I'm working on it. I'll get there.

Week in Review.

WHAT'S THE WEATHER IN MY NECK OF THE WOODS?



MY WEEKLY SIMPLE PLEASURE.

I am taking part in Deepak Chopra's 21-day meditation journey. It is free! You can sign up on Oprah's website. It is very relaxing and wonderful! Each audio clip is about 16 minutes.


ON MY BEDSIDE TABLE.

Sunset with God (devotional)
The Mystical Magical Marvelous World of Dreams (dream interpretation book)
Diabetes Forecast magazine
iPhone, which doubles as my alarm clock AND my flashlight for night time blood testing
my D-supplies bag
lavender essential oil lotion (gluten free of course)


ON MY TV.

I Survived, DVR'd from Sunday night.

ON MY TO DO LIST.

Financial Peace University class homework
Read up on EFT (tapping)
Run to Sam's to pick up Rx (tomorrow)
Send my cousin a (late) birthday card (oops)


ON THE MENU TONIGHT.

Tyson's gluten free chicken nuggets and frozen veggies (easy, although not healthy).

NEW RECIPE I TRIED LAST WEEK.

OMGosh, I made the BEST homemade gluten free cinnamon rolls with icing. They tasted JUST LIKE Cinnabon. I will DEFINITELY make these again. And again! Let me know if you want it; I will send you the link. Be forewarned; they are a little bit of work but oh-so worth it.

LOOKING FORWARD TO.

Hmm. I'm neither dreading nor looking forward to anything in particular right now.

TIP FOR THE WEEK.

Iron your clothes the night before because you know you won't do it in the morning before you go to work. You'll either wear it wrinkly or you'll find something else to wear.

LESSON LEARNED IN THE PAST FEW DAYS.

Make small batches of unhealthy food (if you make it at all), because the "extras" will never make it to the freezer like you planned.

ON MY PRAYER LIST.

I am praying for the family that used to live in my house. Apparently their dog just passed away, because tonight I received a flower bouquet delivered by a local florist addressed to the family, with the card expressing sympathy for the loss of their beloved dog Molly. They had no way of finding the family's new address, so they told me to keep the flower. It is a single yellow rose with baby's breath in a pretty thin vase.

Food Anxiety.

Do you experience food anxiety related to having celiac disease or diabetes? Read below; I'm looking for some advice.



For those of you who have diabetes, the numbers on the insulin pump above will make sense to you. I haven't eaten much today, as demonstrated by today's insulin totals. I had one grapefruit today, half at breakfast time and the other half at lunch, which totaled 1.55 units of Novolog. The remaining total was comprised of my basal insulin, which by the end of the day will total 5.4 units. For some reason, my basal needs have always been very low since my type 1 diabetes diagnosis in 2010. But my insulin to carb ratio is currently 1/10 in the morning and 1/15 in the afternoon and evening. It used to be 1/32 all day, but obviously what remaining beta cells I had leftover after diagnosis are slowly dying. Sad face. Oh well, I knew they would die eventually. I've been lucky to have held on to them as long as I have (3 years after diagnosis). I was told that they usually die within 6 months of diagnosis. And I must still have a few left, if my basal rates are that low. Unfortunately there is no way to preserve the remaining beta cells. My immune system is eventualy gonna get 'em all.

The other reason for not eating much lately is out of food anxiety. I've developed a real anxiety as it relates to food (mainly thanks to celiac disease but definitely diabetes as well). I get so stressed out about how food will affect me that I simply lose my appetite altogether. Add on regular life stress, and that is just a bad mix equating to no appetite.

Over the past few months I have been sticking to the Paleo diet, which has done WONDERS for my blood sugar stability and A1c and my weight loss goals. My A1c on 2/18/13 was 6.0 ... a much-wanted improvement from previous A1c's. It's difficult sometimes because I miss carbs, I LOVE carbs, especially the bad ones like bread, pasta, pizza. But it's no fun when I see the blood sugar spiral out of control as a result of eating those things, the bathroom scale go up and my pants not fit anymore, or the occasional gluten-ing I get from eating those foods out of the house. In the end, it turns out to be a very temporary gratification, with longer-term consequences to my overall health and appearance. Sorta takes the fun out of food.

It's all part of my food anxiety, and I'm not sure how to get a handle on it. I don't like that food has become a source of stress and panic for me and no longer is a source of enterainment and enjoyment. Is there a way to still enjoy food????

I was at a gathering over the weekend that involved food (what gathering doesn't?) and I was completely stressed out. Because I couldn't eat what they were serving (celiac disease). They were eating wheat spaghetti with sauce, whole wheat cracker/cheese appetizers, and a regular cake for dessert. Nope, not one thing I am able to eat. It's hard to sit around and watch everyone around you eat and enjoy and bond over food...while you can't. I brought baked chicken and cauliflower and no dessert. Not exactly "fun" birthday party food, but part of my Paleo diet. I could have elected to bring my own gluten free spaghetti and sauce, but then my blood sugar would spike for the rest of the night into the overnight hours and I pay for it for 8+ hours. It guarantees me I will be waking up a few times throughout the night to correct high blood sugars. No thanks, I'll stick to my chicken and cauliflower.

I guess the question I have for you is do you have any sort of food anxiety? Whether you have celiac disease or type 1 diabetes, does food ever stress you out? Do you avoid certain foods? Does your anxiety only happen in certain situations? How to handle it? I could use a few tips.

Title? Hmm, nothing's coming to mind.

After having a friend pass away last Sunday in a fatal car accident on his way home from work, I just haven't felt much like posting lately. I spent last week reflecting on his life, and trying to figure out what, if any, lessons I can find to change my life. It's hard to find any lessons when a healthy, young friend dies tragically. I think it's because having multiple auto immune diseases, in particular type 1 diabetes, I always think about MY mortality; it didn't occur to me that a healthy, happy friend could just... die. His wake was yesterday, his funeral today. Seems fitting on this horribly blowing snow-stormy Monday in Minnesota. The weather seems angry; as if it, too, disagrees with God's decision to call Dave home so early.

To keep things light, because I can't really handle heavy conversation right now, I am going to post a list that sums up the happenings from the prior and current week. I think I may do this every Monday. I got the idea from reading a homemaker's/budget blog www.blissfulanddomestic.com.

THE WEATHER IN MY NECK OF THE WOODS:

Winter storm warning; horrible road conditions, blowing snow, lots and lots of snow. Grey skies. Current temp: 25 degrees.

ONE OF MY SIMPLE PLEASURES:

A quiet house, hot cup of tea, my dog on my lap, and a good book.

ON MY BEDSIDE TABLE:

Diabetes Forecast magazine, Diabetes Living magazine, The Magic (by Rhonda Byrne). Hand cream, lamp, candle and kleenex box.

ON MY TV:

Our America with Lisa Ling.

ON MY TO DO LIST:

Laundry, cooking for the week, eating, catching up on sleep. Things I haven't done much of in the last week.

ON THE MENU TONIGHT:

I might eat the salad that I made for lunch, since I didn't eat it.

LOOKING FORWARD TO:

A good night of sleep. A quiet, warm bath tonight. A quiet, uneventful evening.

TIP FOR THE WEEK:

Fully slice through all the little segments of your grapefruit BEFORE you get to work. It makes a hell of a mess on your desk if you try to do it at work. I have sticky spots on everything now.

LESSONS LEARNED IN THE PAST WEEK:

It sounds cliche but live life everyday to the fullest; be happy every day no matter what.

ON MY PRAYER LIST:

Dave's parents and family, my family, my cute little stinker butt dog, who I pray everyday lives forever.

What it feels like to be a glutened (celiac) diabetic, in pictures.

A couple weekends ago, I was glutened by a "gluten free" pizza, from a restaurant here in town that specializes in gluten free pizza and even has a manager with celiac disease. How can that happen? Well, when you order pizza on a busy Friday night, it doesn't matter if the manager has celiac; all that matters is the staff back in the kitchen that is hurried and rushed and making your pizza, that isn't as careful as they should be because they are making 20 pizzas at once and they don't think it will matter to anyone if they don't wash their hands between handling the gluten free and glutened pizza ingredients. It just takes one person in the kitchen, even if everyone else is careful.

These are the little things that celiacs worry about; trying to find a balance between keeping ourselves safe while we try to have a normal life that includes the enjoyment of eating out every once in a while. It's scary eating out because of these occurrences. Eating out is met with nervous anticipation, not the normal excitement that a non-celiac feels.

So here's what went down.

First, I got mild stomach pains, slight discomfort, that intensified rapidly over the course of about an hour or two. By hour two, I was so uncomfortable that I stopped what I was doing and just sat on the couch, sitting in a ball, legs pulled up to my chest.



Throughout the rest of the evening, I got a migraine, severe stomach pain, and had multiple trips to the bathroom keeled over in awful pain. Because of being glutened, I could not absorb insulin properly, and had to use double the amounts I normally would to treat the high blood sugars that resulted from eating pizza, and hoped like heck that I wouldn't over bolus, because my body can't easily absorb carbs to treat a low after being glutened. In short, it can make your diabetes even more unpredictable.

But my baby girl Bella can tell when I'm not well and immediately came to my aide, planting herself right up on my chest and into my face to show her undying support.


(this was me many hours later, still laying down and feeling miserable).

But, I bounced back, like I always do. Life goes on. Can't let these little blips ruin you and take away your sunshine. It can be hard to stay positive sometimes, when you are going through a rough time with your disease(s). Just get through one moment at a time, don't worry about tomorrow just yet. That's how I get through things. One day at a time.

How much does diabetes cost per day?

Today I was checking my bg and putting the blood on a test strip that proceeded to error out. Frustrating, right? Frustrating for one, because your insurance only covers a certain # of these precious gems per month, and for two, because these babies equate to $1.34 per test strip. Ouch. I began to wonder, how much does my diabetes actually cost me per day? Has anyone ever sat down and done the math for themselves?

So tonight I decided to figure it out. I am doing the math for a typical day; not a day when your bg sucks and requires you to test more times than normal. This is the out-of-pocket cost, before insurance.

PER DAY:

Test strips= $1.34 each x 9 tests per day = $12.06

Insulin (Novolog) Vial (1 vial)= $179.99 (cost obtained from call to Walgreens) / 30 days = $6.00

Lancets (I use a new one each time)= $0.18 each x 9 tests per day = $1.62

Omnipod pod refills= $450 per month for 10 (each worn for 3 days) / 30 days = $15.00

Dexcom refills= Looking at my invoice, it states 3- 4pks (or 3 months' worths) list price is $460.00. That's 12 sensors for $460.00. So, it comes out to be $38.33 per sensor, worn for 1 week each, = $5.48 per day. Follow me?

So, NOT including other diabetes necessities that I use- Unisolve, glucose tabs, alcohol swabs, and Kleenexes to dab my finger tips, this is a day's estimated total:

$40.16 per day.

Holy shiz, that's a lot of money. I have insurance, but like many others I have a high deductible that I must meet before my coverage kicks in. So I do end up paying these prices for a period of time at the beginning of every year until my deductible and out of pocket maximums are met.

Has anyone else calculated their costs? If so, what is your total?

Weekend Recap.

It is Sunday in the early evening and I am totally dreading my drive to work tomorrow. Living in Minnesota, I should be used to the winters but I'm really not! We are getting buried under snow and ice right now, and the weather folks are already warning about tomorrow morning's dangerous commute to work. Personally, I am a warm weather person; I need the sun to be happy! I think snow is pretty- in postcard pictures! But not being an outdoorsy-wintery person, I do not enjoy sub zero temps, skiing, snowmobiling or anything else that involves being outside in this weather! I can't wear cute shoes when the parking lots are full of slush and snow, or worse, ice. You just freeze to death walking in your work's parking lot from your car to the building's front door. Uggh. I am SO ready for Spring!! Or a job offer somewhere warm :)

This weekend was pretty lame. I had aggressive low and high blood sugars (mostly high) that left me feeling tired and unmotivated. I did drag myself out of the house on Saturday for a bit to the Mall of America to do a bit of shopping, then stayed home the rest of the day and night doing nothing. Last night, after having unexplained high blood sugars for over 5 hours, I changed my pump site and it made all the difference. I didn't notice any kinks, but something must have been malfunctioning because I was able to get my blood sugar back under control shortly afterwards. And I literally slept half the day today. I woke up at 8:30 this morning only because I heard the ice storm hitting the windows. So I got up, fed and pottied my babygirl Bella, made an omelet, and then fell in and out of sleep on the couch for the next several hours while watching all my recorded episodes of Shahs of Sunset on the Bravo network (don't judge- I need mindless, happy tv sometimes!). It sure made my day go by quickly! I can't believe it's already a "work night!"

I really need to get back on track with my eating. I don't know what's gotten into me but I have eaten BAD and unhealthy over the last week. I don't think I've craved anything healthy all week! Sweets, treats, baked goods, bread, you name it, I've eaten it in the last week. I feel gross and lethargic! I don't benefit in anyway from eating bad, and I don't know why I do it. I think I run to food sometimes as a way of self-medicating myself when I feel bad about things, but I never feel better afterwards. So I need to stop doing it! Plus, my blood sugar always pays a nasty price and it just isn't worth it to me. When I eat on my Paleo diet, I feel great and healthy and strong. My skin doesn't break out, either. Sure, I sometimes will miss the sweets but my blood sugar is so much better when I'm not eating crap that it makes it worth it to avoid it. It's hard this week too with Valentine's Day here and there's lots of candy everywhere and it's on sale at all the stores. I just have to say NO! Plus the cleaner and healthier I eat (read: less processed crap), the less likely I am to accidentally get glutened and suffer for days from that. When you make your own food from scratch, you know what's in it and how it was made so you don't have to worry about cross-contamination from the manufacturing process or from handling. So I feel like I benefit in a couple different ways when I eat healthy and clean- my diabetes behaves more predictably and I don't get glutened.

Tonight I'm having a salad with chicken breast on top, along with green olives, tomatoes, roasted red peppers and balsamic vinegar w/ oil. I LOVE green olives on my salad. Any olive, really, but green olives kind of give it a little salt and it's yummer.

Tonight I am going to take a nice long bubble bath, make my breakfast egg whites, pack a lunch of baked chicken and plain pureed squash, and then chill on the couch with my precious angel Bella. She really is my world- I love her so much! She's worth all the vacuuming I constantly have to do and all the fur everywhere LOL.

Here's hoping that each of us has a healthy wonderful week. It's a new week; a new time to start things off right- both your attitude and your diet!

Three Years Ago This Week.

Three years ago this week was the week I thought I had stomach flu. I slept in the bathroom for a couple nights with a pillow and a blanket. I woke up every morning exhausted, dragging myself to work, drinking glass after glass of water. I was skinny, REAL skinny; with my size double zero clothes hanging off my frame. I had recently went to a little girls' clothing store and bought girls' size 14 and 16 pants. Innately I knew something wasn't right, but I figured I was just sick. I could never have imagined how much my life was about to change.

By the time I finally went to the doctor, I was unable to climb the stairs to get to my bedroom. I was unable to lift my 28 lb dog. I was unable to get up from a kneeling position on the floor. My muscles were so weak. I was having severe heart palpitations and irregular patterns. But none of these things were the reason I went to the doctor. I didn't want to miss going out to dinner with my friends that night nor the Superbowl the next day, so I was hoping for a quick antibiotic/medication prescription to fix my "flu" problem.

It's still so hard to recall this week, three years ago, without tearing up, knowing now what I didn't know then. That in a few short days, I would be given a devastating diagnosis that would change my story forever.

It's a miracle that I made it through my darkest hour (which turned out to be an entire year), unimaginable that I would be here talking about how good life is, how blessed I am. I've gotten used to insurance battles, adhesive marks I can't get off, eating weird things like sugar packets, and trading in my small, cute clutches for bigger purses to tote around my D-supplies. It's kind of like a diaper bag for diabetes.

I learned that it's easy to have a good attitude when life is good and easy; quite a different challenge with 3 autoimmune diseases and barely enough money to make ends meet. But I did it.

So I won't be writing a dia-versary blog this year on 2/6/13. I don't want to relive the hell I went through that year. I want to stay focused on the good things.

Everyone's got a solution.

Today while at work, I was forced to make a decision regarding my diabetes. My bg was between 70-80, with .15 units of insulin on board, meaning the bg is going to go down. I'm not hungry, and I'm also trying to cut extra calories (outside of meals) for my weight loss goals.

What do I do? I wonder as I sit at my desk. I know if I don't eat carbs NOW, I'm going to go low. That much is a fact. "Ok, I'll eat. But what? I'm sick of glucose tabs. I have an orange that's unwashed and unpeeled--too much work to go into the kitchen and clean it and peel it right now while I'm trying to work. I'm feeling both ornery and stubborn because I don't feel like eating anything at all. I don't like being bossed around and I feel like diabetes is always bossing me around; making my decisions for me.

As I'm thinking through all of this, my low alarm on the CGM beeps (60). I've waited too long to make my decision. Three grape glucose tabs down the hatch.

My cube neighbor hears the familiar bzzz bzzz of the CGM and pops her head over the wall. "You low?" she asks. "Yep." "Why are you going low every day?" (Me)"I don't know; just how it goes sometimes. It's unpredictable that way." (Her)"You need to eat more sugar so you don't go low."

Sigh. Everyone's got a solution, don't they.

My Celiabetes Kitchen - Come on in!

My first Vlog! I'm camera shy so this was a HUGE step for me! I have watched several bloggers provide a tour of their kitchen, and I would like to invite you into the kitchen of a celiac type 1 diabetic (dual medical diets), so WELCOME! Please provide feedback. And please considering sharing your kitchen with us, as well! The first video is the intro; the second will begin the tour!


INTRO:



TOUR:

When you pay the price for being unprepared.

Picture this scenario, which happened just a couple hours ago this evening. I went to my 2nd week appointment for physical therapy. Nearing the end of our session, I began to feel that sweep of wooziness that can only be one thing- low blood sugar. Going against my own better judgment, I decided to wait to check my bg until my appointment was over. Both of my CGMs ‘low alert’ alarms went off (my low alert is set at 60). I didn’t check my blood sugar because I felt it would be a nuisance to check it when I only had 5-10 minutes left of my appointment, and I didn’t want to interrupt her while she was giving me instructions for my at-home exercise homework. After the appointment I walked to the waiting room to get my coat, and sat down and checked my bg, it was 56. I had the one thing you don’t want to see on your CGM when you are low- down arrows. Crappity crap crap.

Talking to myself and trying to relax, I dug through the clutter in my purse for a source of sugar. Juice box? Nope. Candy? Nope. Glucose tabs? Only an empty roll container. How did I forget to refill my glucose tabs? I angrily asked myself. Now what am I gonna do….

The physical therapy clinic was now closed, the front desk people gone. But I remembered that on the first floor of the building I had seen a small novelty shop. I knew that if they weren't already closed (it was after 5pm), they would be closed shortly, since all of the offices inside this building were at the end of their business day. I ran down 2 flights of stairs, shaky from head to toe, knees wobbly in my way-too-high-heeled boots, profusely sweating at the forehead hairline, under arms, back of my neck and under my butt cheeks. I was so sweaty that it felt as if I had wet my pants. I make it inside the little novelty gift shop to find that they only carried a few food items. Now comes the part where it sucks to be a celiac diabetic. I’m trying to read the labels on the few bags of snack items, with shaky eyes that can't focus on the words; trying to determine if any of them are gluten free. None are marked gluten free. Now, if you are diabetic, you know that panicked-feeling that comes over you when you get that low. Everything already seems a little heightened and then when you can’t find a source of food/sugar to help you, you panic even more. I had to make a decision- buy something that I don’t know is gluten free, just to get something to treat the low blood sugar, or try to drive somewhere nearby to a fast food joint to get some soda. Buzz Buzz… the CGMs 55 low alarm is now buzzing, blood sugar in the 40s with down arrows.

My decision was to eat the snacks in the store; there was no way I could drive with that low and I was parked so far away in the parking ramp that I wondered if I’d even make it to my car, walking in high heeled boots with my balance so affected and also with the wind chills being -20 (shivering in the cold drops my blood sugar really quickly).

I found a bag of tater skins from a brand I’d never heard of that said they contain Milk and Soy. I don’t know if they were gluten free, all I knew is that I had to eat something and eat it fast. Obviously fast-acting glucose would have been a better option if it had been available.

After stabbing the bag with a pen to open it, since I couldn’t get it open, I devoured the bag right outside of the store, right there in the hallway. You’ve never seen a chick shovel so many chips in her mouth at one time. Afterwards, I walked to my car and sat there for 20 minutes or so until the low subsided.
The moral of the story is that if you are a celiabetic, you need to be better prepared than I was today. You need to have a gluten-free source of glucose with you at all times, and not rely on the hope that you will always be somewhere convenient that has what you need. I should be doing daily checks to make sure I have glucose in my purse AND in my car; refilling them when I use them up. It’s tough when you have to always be prepared for two diseases. I don’t always get it right.

I’m sitting here now in dry clothes (pajamas), with the hair that frames my face and the back of my neck still wet from the sweat attack. Just praying now that those tater skins were gluten free, so my immune system doesn’t take a nasty hit.